I’ll never forget this time my little sister Tracy invited me to one of her parties, it was a younger crowd and my friend Kat, and I mingled for a while then and I saw Tracy in the kitchen and thought I could have her to myself for a few minutes.

I went and gave her a hug, “Hey Trace, Nice crowd!” She smiled and poured me a glass of wine. She said, “Hey sis, who’s the hot chick you are with?” I said, “That’s Kat, but we’re just friends, I’m looking for a dude this time.” She laughed and said, “I noticed you’re wearing your war paint.”

I was too, I had done my hair and makeup and tried to dress sexy. I was coming off a relationship with a woman and she knew that. I added, “I want to pick out one of these young studs here and take him home and fuck his brains out.” She laughed and said she was sure there was one here that would volunteer for that duty.

Then I asked her, “Who’s the dude I saw you with earlier, he’s major heat.” She giggled and said, “That’s my fuck buddy, Ron.”

“Fuck buddy?”, I asked.

She said, “Yeah, you know we just have sex, no attachment, no love, just sex. When you’re lonely you come over to my place, when I’m lonely, I go to your place. We just have sex, nothing else. Easy and convenient for both of us. That’s the idea. And its good sex too, very passionate, not cheap, I mean, like, Really Good!” 

I said, “Fuck buddy, I want one!” We giggled.

Then she said, “Yeah, but I don’t know…” and paused.

I smiled and said, “Hey, you know me, I don’t judge.”

But just then she got really serious and said, “No, it’s not that, it’s just that, the other night, instead of leaving after we finished… he stayed. We went out on the balcony and smoked a doobie, and he told me about how when he was in the sixth grade, his mom was a schoolteacher in the same school he went to.

A crazy person with a gun came in and killed a bunch of people, he hid in a closet covering his ears, crouching as far into the closet as he could. When the police came, they took him home, his dad was there.

They said that one of the victims was his mom and that she was dead. A grief counselor stayed for a while, but his dad said, “it’s OK, we’ll be fine.”

Eventually everyone left, including his dad. After the police left, he watched his dad drive off and never saw him again.

He stayed home by himself until the grief counselor came to check on them, she asked where’s your dad and he said I dunno.

She asked when he would be back, and he said he didn’t know. She asked when his dad had left, and he told her three days ago. Later he found out his dad drove off a cliff somewhere, it wasn’t an accident, there were no skid marks.”

“He told me all of this and I said, “I don’t know what to say.” And he said, “Yeah, that’s what everyone says.”

We sat there for a while, holding hands. But I really didn’t know what to say. He didn’t say anything else. Then he just got up and left.”

“I mean, I get it, if we say I love you, then, he will worry I’ll abandon him. I won’t, he must know that. But I don’t know how to convince him of that. So, I get it, fuck buddy…  maybe it’s all he has to give me emotionally right now…”

Tracy looked at me and just said, “What should I do?”

I just looked at the ceiling and thought for a minute, I don’t think she needs me to run through the litany of obvious things I’m sure she already thought of, counseling, therapy whatever, so I gave her a simple answer to a very complicated question and just said, “I think you should just keep fucking him as much as you want for as long as you want.” 

She smiled and put her arms around my neck and gave me a kiss on the lips and said, “Thanks big sis.”

It reminded me of when I was a teenager and she was four or five years old and I would be in the living room watching TV, when it was her bedtime, she would come down and climb on my lap, put her arms around me, and kiss me on the lips just like that, and say nighty night and trundle off.

I would try to act cool about it like it bothered me, but inside I was melting inside.

Later that night, back at my house, Kat and I were sitting out on my deck toking out and just watching the moon reflect off the ripples in the lake. I told her about it. She held my hand and said, “I know you are an atheist, but I’m not, do you mind if I pray for them?” I said, “Hey, you know me, I don’t judge.”

That was about ten years ago. Today, me and Kat are driving up to Tracy and Ron’s house. They are married and have two kids now, so, hehe, they must still be fuck buddies.

Tracy told me on the phone how excited the kids get when their Auntie Steph comes for a visit. Kat never misses the opportunity to remind me that sometimes prayers are answered.

I don’t say anything, I just smile. But I think it could also have something to do with my kid sister being a clever girl and had figured a way to drag Ron to counselling together. Or maybe Marvin Gaye was right. Or, who knows, all of the above.

When we got in the house, I had to chase down my niece and nephew to get my kissies from them, they act like they hate it. Funny though, how easy it is for an old lady like me to catch them.

Later, Tracy and I are standing on the deck talking while Ron and Kat play lawn darts with the kids, and I told Tracy she really does have a magical pussie. She laughed and grabbed my hand, and I lumbered down to the lawn with her, and we played lawn darts.

On the drive home, Kat knows how to work the Bluetooth thing in my car and got it to play Marvin Gaye. You would think she read my mind except I’m sure I have said it a bunch of times before.

Whenever blue teardrops are fallin’
And my emotional stability is leaving me
There is something I can do
I can get on the telephone and call you up, baby
And honey I know you’ll be there to relieve me
The love you give to me will free me
If you don’t know the thing you’re dealing
Oh I can tell you, darling, that it’s sexual healing

Marvin Gaye