I will never forget the summer of 1980, that was my summer of love. I had just finished my junior year of college and just turned 21. I was studying Electrical Engineering, and I hadn’t just done well, I had wowed my Electronics professors, I loved electronics so much that whenever I had access to the lab, I was always in there tinkering. I was going to school in Corvallis Oregon, home of the mighty Beavers!

One professor saw that I wasn’t just proficient, I was obsessed. So, he used some contacts of his and helped me land a summer internship in Portland Oregon.  The intern pay was fabulous, and my dad lived close enough I could stay with him and take the bus to work. My parents had divorced the minute I walked out the door to go to college. I suppose this was back in the day when people would “stay together for the kids” or some such nonsense.

I moved in with my dad in late May and was to start the first week in June. I remember my dad and I rode the bus to work together that first day. He also worked in Portland, but he travelled a lot on his job, and he usually went in earlier than me and stayed later. We probably only ended up riding the bus together maybe 3 or 4 times that summer. But I think he had made a special effort to do it with me for my first day of my “Real Job”. 

I will never forget that day, a couple miles into the 10-mile bus ride, she got on, Barbara. My Dad pointed her out and made a comment like “check her out!” something like that. He said he saw her on the bus occasionally. I checked her out all right, and she checked back. I’m not bragging but, I had that “boyish good looks” back then and could turn on the charm when I needed to, or at least I thought so. She gave me a pretty good looking over. Dad commented about it later, something like, I think she was checking you out, not me I’m too old for her; it was nice the way he said it.

She was 32 years old, way too old to be interested in me. She had long brunette hair, a stunning face, wore her make up in a very sexy but sophisticated way, dressed to the nines in what seemed to me to be the cool trendy look, or certainly different than what I was used to. And D cup breasts. Put all that together with 21-year-old hormones and you can imagine what I was imagining.

On the way home that evening, I got on the bus, and she got on right after me, she saw me and sat next to me in the open spot. She just came over, sat down, and introduced herself to me, just like that. She just said “Hi, I’m Barbara”.  It took me a bit by surprise but I recovered quickly and told her my name. We chatted the normal small talk, she asked me where I worked, and I explained I was a summer intern and so on.

The next morning, dad was not on the bus of course, he was off for one of his trips. And again, Barbara sat next to me. I decided since she did that twice that meant perhaps, she wanted to be friends. But then she asked me if I wanted to go lunch sometime. I said that would be delightful. I remember I used that word, maybe I was trying to be more grown up and mature sounding.

And, oh yeah, by the way, I was supposedly in a committed relationship with a girl from college, Carol, who I had been dating and in a monogamous relationship since freshman year, 3 years. But she lived in Klamath Falls Oregon, a four hour drive away. And she had a summer job down there, so, we had planned to reunite come fall when school started back up, but we were supposed to stay true. I rationalized that Barbara, and I were just friends.

Barbara and I went to lunch that day and I just knew we were going to end up dating, I could just tell. She asked me out to dinner, I excitedly said whenever you would like. She suggested a place that was a bistro where they played jazz, the Jazz De Opus, sounded so cool to me then. Later, we ended up in bed at her house. She had this really cool place right on the Willamette River, with a deck overlooking the river. Man, what a cool place. After we had sex, we sat out there and smoked a doobie. I had smoked out with my friends in college, but I was sort of surprised she was into it, but she was only 32, at the time, I don’t know why I was surprised, perhaps I thought only people who are in college toke out.

We dated, almost every day we saw each other on the bus, lunch, dinner, music, shows. It didn’t take long, and I had basically moved in with her, I would go to my dad’s house Sunday morning, and he would grill me about it. I finally told him what was going on, I think he was a little bit proud of me, but he still tried to give me a lecture about fidelity to Carol. Then I mentioned to him that I thought all his business trips seemed like an awful lot of travel for the type of work he did, he was an accountant. That basically put an end to that line of questioning. I pretty much knew he had something going on, and he was keeping it from me probably because it had started when he and mom were still married. He never fessed up to it, but it sure seemed to calm him down pretty quickly.

For that whole summer from about mid-June until the end of September, I basically lived with her, in that cool house. Maybe I would show up at my dad’s place for Sunday dinner with him. Barbara’s house was amazing, furnished like an interior decorator had done it, and probably had. She had this old classic Mercedes Benz, one of those 350SL two door ones, I’m not sure what year it was, but it was not that old back then and it was her only car so I think that is why she took the bus the 6 miles from her house to her office, I would have done the same thing with a car like that. But she took me out in that thing, it was fantastic, we would drive up to places and they would leave it out front, the valets always leave the coolest cars out front to show off.

Really, she was more like the dude in the relationship, but I didn’t care, she knew the town and she was showing it to me, she took me to the coolest jazz places, comedy shows, discos, sporting events, plays, even went to one of those female impersonator bars. All over the town and beyond. She drove us up to Seattle and we stayed at the Edgewater Inn, which is a very famous place in Seattle where all the rock stars and celebrities have stayed. There was a jazz show she wanted to see up there and we did the whole Seattle scene as well.

I have never had so much fun and so much sex before or since. There was some sort of crazy chemistry between us, sexual energy, we both felt it. The thing is, I wouldn’t say it was deep emotional love, or a deep mental connection, for one thing I was probably too young for that. But something clicked between us in bed, and we just could not get enough of each other. Twice a day and three times on Saturday. No, I am not exaggerating. I know it sounds like it, but I was 21, and I think maybe she was having that thing they say women sometimes go through at around that age when their hormones spike or something. Whatever it was, it was literally, fucking amazing, amazing fucking. Every position you can imagine, we started on page one of the Karma Sutra and went through the book ten times over.

But not just the sex, just the whole thing, the dating, I think part of her dug showing me off, her young stud lover. If she was objectifying me, I was objectifying her back because I thought I was hot stuff with this supper attractive mature woman on my arm, or maybe I was on her arm, I didn’t care.

And honestly, a lot of the places she took me to, I might have felt intimidating going in there with one of my friends or, oh yeah, oops, Carol. It was funny how conveniently I had put her out of my mind. I’m sure she called my dad’s place a few times. He didn’t have an answering machine, and this was back before cell phones, remember. I called her from the office and gave her my office number and said that my dad never answers the phone and unplugs it because it bugs him so that’s why I was not answering. She seemed to buy it. But I was starting to feel guilty and realized I was going to have to face a difficult decision pretty soon. I tried to forget about it.

I was making good money on my Intern job, enough to buy new clothes. Barbara took me shopping and dressed me up like her personal Ken doll, and I loved it. She bought me things too. I thought I looked so cool and could not wait to get back to school and walk around in my new sophisticated duds.

I was going to end up with enough money saved up to move off campus and get my own apartment, no roommate. I had a full scholarship, but it did not cover room and board, so I had been living in the dorm up until then. But I thought about it, I thought I bet if I broke it off with Carol, Barbara would come down and stay with me on the weekends in my apartment and I could go up and stay with her sometimes in her cool house for the weekend. That could work, it would only be for nine months until I finished school.

I thought about maybe asking her that. I wondered if she looked at me as just a fun summer fling with an expiration date on it of September 30^th or would she want to continue beyond that. I wasn’t sure how to ask that. I really just wanted to stay living with her, but school was a ninety minute commute, there is just no way, I needed to move back and finish my degree.

Up until September, I put it out of my mind, having so much fun with Barbara. She took me on a river boat cruise up the Columbia River. That was amazing, I had never been on a cruise, even just a river cruise, I was styling, having wild sex in our room then sitting at the captain’s table with her, the hottest of the hot babes on board. I thought she would run out of cool things to come up with but even when we just did nothing, we would sit out on her deck, which wound down to a dock on the river. We would sit down there and toke out and watch the boats go by. She would sometimes make dinner, other times we would order in. Even just those days were like a dream in that cool modern style house, with all the glass and wood, right on the river.

But when it came time for me to go back, I told her the date I was going back and that I was going to get and apartment by myself, no roommate. She jumped in immediately and just said, “Oh hey, then can I come down on the weekends and stay with you?”

To me that was the tip off she was maybe interested in something longer term. I asked her what she thought about us, if it could work out, with the age difference. She asked me if it bothered me, and I said no. She said if it doesn’t bother you then it doesn’t bother me. So, there it was, she was up for a long-term relationship.

Now, what was I going to do?  The truth was, the age difference did bother me a little bit, I was running the numbers in my head, when I am 30, she will be 40, when I am 50, she will be 60, well, as we get older, on a percentage basis it becomes smaller and smaller, but still, it nagged at me.

Carol was the exact same age as me and I felt more evenly matched with her. I think that maybe really had more to do with it than anything else if I am being honest with myself. I felt completely over-matched by Barbara. She was so much more sophisticated and rich, and had such good taste and style and was so much more worldly. I felt like the chick in the relationship. That is what it really was, but the sex, man, that sure made up for a lot.

I was torn. I knew that even though I had shut down my dad’s criticism by pointing out his own infidelity to mom, really, he was right. I was a hypocrite, true. But, just because someone is a hypocrite it does not necessarily mean the point that they are making is incorrect, just that they lack the same self-control they are criticizing me for also lacking.  But I thought about it, really, I should break it off with Carol if I am going to be seeing Barbara on weekends. But then I got the idea of trying to get away with it anyway. I know, I know, it was really stupid of me. It’s not an excuse but an explanation, I was 21 years old.

You can guess what happened, I lied and told Carol that I had a lot of studying to do over the weekend and wouldn’t have time to get together with her. That worked a couple of times, but then, about the third or fourth time, Carol “dropped by” unannounced to say “hi” and brought me some cookies. I think it was an excuse to check on me, she rang the doorbell, I answered it not thinking. I can only imagine the look on my face, but the look on her face when she saw Barbara in my apartment, at 8AM on a Sunday. Yeah, it was over. She called me and yelled at me; I deserved it.

Barbara saw it, knew instantly what that was about. She said something like “Oh, I guess I just scared off your other girlfriend?” I confessed it all to her, she did not seem terribly surprised, I’m sure she understood that dating a 21-year-old would not be drama free. She took it in stride, I told her that it was over, and I admitted I should have been more forthcoming with both of them. She seemed to forgive me.

After that, I would drive up to her place instead of her coming down, it was more fun, and I loved studying there and she liked having me there and didn’t seem to mind that I spent most of the time studying. We would only go out once or twice a week, but the sex, that was still off the charts even if it was just on the weekends.

I saw Carol around campus a few times, with this one guy, later I heard through the grapevine he was my replacement. I thought, well, good for her. But deep down I felt a little jealous and second guessed myself a little. It sure would have been easier and more convenient to have just gone back to her. Too late now.

Eventually the school year ended, I was about to graduate, and Barbara and I had been together about a year by then. I was assuming I would find a job in Portland and move in with her permanently, but what happened next was a heart wrenching decision for me.

I had not gotten any job offers in Portland. I did get a bunch of offers from other places; two companies in the Bay area, one in LA, one in San Diego, one in New Jersey and one Great Big Huge offer that was way too good to pass up; in Seattle, or just east of Seattle, Microsoft.

Man, I would be an idiot not to take it, by far the most money and by far the coolest city and by far the best stock option plan and, really, just a 90-minute drive to Portland. I thought, well we had done it when I was at school in Corvallis, why couldn’t it work if I was living in Seattle, and we could go back and forth. With the money I was going to get, I would be able to get a cool place that would be Barbara approved of and decorated with her help.

I told her about the job offer and that I really had no choice but to take it, I had no offers in Portland. She understood and said I should definitely take it. I asked her if she thought there was any way she could swing it to move to Seattle, I know she loved it there when we took that trip together there.

She said she would think about and let’s see how things play out. That sounded like a maybe. I wasn’t sure if perhaps the zing of the first few months together had worn off and that nine months when I was in school had maybe cooled things a little.

But later, after I started with Microsoft, it was ten times worse than school. They used to call it the velvet sweat shop back then for a very good reason. Sure, it made me a multi-millionaire in the end, no not Billionaire, those days had passed, by now it was 1985 and the B’s had long since sailed, but nevertheless, it made me rich, plenty rich.

But the price I think sometimes was too great. Barbara is not the kind of woman that sits at home knitting while her boyfriend or husband was out at the velvet sweatshop working 10 or 12 hour days 6 days a week. But yeah, the idea of being her husband had, of course, crossed my mind. I liked the idea.

For a while it worked out, the I5 romance as we were calling it. I5 is the interstate highway connecting Seattle and Portland. She helped me pick a house and decorate it and dress me and picked my new car for me. I actually really loved it, it made me feel like I was special, like I was being made cooler somehow being with her.

But the distance, not just that, the work hours, the demands from Microsoft, it ground our relationship down. Eventually, she just told me it was over. She was more mature than I for sure and did it the right way, she did the standup thing and faced up to it. I am sure I would have ghosted me or found someone else first or some other goofy shenanigans to get out of a relationship with me. I don’t blame her for wanting out of it.

But she just laid it out, if you want me, quit Microsoft, move back in with me and find a job down here that is not as demanding. To be honest, that sounded like a pretty good option. The Microsoft gig was kicking my ass. But the money, the stock options, if I quit, I wouldn’t get that. And it was millions. I explained that to her, she told me she had millions. That stopped me in my tracks for a minute, wait what?  

First, I asked her where she got it, she explained she is a money manager, that’s her job and she made it all investing. The second thing I said was, well, if you are so rich why can’t you quit and move up here with me?

Certainly, there are jobs for money managers in Seattle. She said, not like the one she had. We argued about it, but she was extremely evasive about what it was she did. I never got a straight answer but apparently, she had just one big client, very, very big client that she said she could not divulge but she could not move else lose that client and it would be difficult to find another one like that.

I lost the argument. We broke up. I was torn up by it. I just buried myself in work after that. Even more hours, driving myself, it was a way to forget about Barbara. For the next 2 years, that’s what I did, go to work, go to the gym, sleep, go to work, rinse, and repeat. Seven days a week. But it paid off. The money was rolling in, and promotions.

Then one day I got a call from an old friend. Carol. When I graduated, she had come to see me one last time. By then, she had forgiven me, mostly, and said she wanted to be friends. I felt bad, she was being so nice. She was still seeing that other guy, but she gave me her number and the number of her folks, I gave her my dad’s number and told her when I got settled in Seattle I would call and give her my number. She called and said she was coming up to Seattle for a job interview and wondered if I wanted to get together, she said maybe bring Barbara along. I told her that had not worked out, she said she was sorry to hear it. I asked her about her relationship, and she said it had not worked out either.

I mentioned that I had bought a house near Bellevue, just east of Seattle, Microsoft had originally been in Bellevue but later moved to Redmond, but I kept my place, it was a really cool area called Medina.  I told her if her interview was not far maybe she could just stay with me, I had plenty of room. I told her to come on up the next Saturday and I would show her around town and then she could go to her interview which was in Kirkland for a school district there. She was a school administrator; she had been vice principal and she was interviewing for a principal position there. I said, great, that’s right near here.

Carol showed up the next weekend and was amazed and impressed with my house. I think some of the Barbara cool had rubbed off on me. She was impressed by the interior design, my cool clothes, my fancy BMW and everything else that Barbara had taught me. Which, we will get to, and yes, I took her around and showed her the area and took her to dinner at a fancy place on the water. And later that night, we slept together. I had told her she could stay in the guest room but, one thing led to another. After, we sat out on my back deck and smoked a doobie and looked at the view of Lake Washington I had at my house and well, doesn’t that sound familiar. In bed, Barbara had taught me a few, well a lot of things. Like how to pleasure a woman orally. Carol commented about that, how that was “new”. I just smiled.

Needless to say, Carol took the job in Kirkland and moved directly in with me. We did not pass go, we went straight to cohabitation. After we had been living together for about six months or so, Carol popped the question, she asked me. I am not sure if I ever would have asked her or not, maybe, but if I am honest with myself, probably not. But she poured us glasses of wine and we sat out on the deck, and she dropped a ring in my glass, she told me it was her grandfather’s wedding band and she got it when he passed away and she wanted me to wear it and be her husband. I am a romantic sucker, and I could not say no.

We were married a month later. And that was that. One would assume that was the end of the story, but the never-ending ass kicking at Microsoft continued. And the next big release of Office was going to be a major redesign of everything to go with a new release of Windows and it was all hands-on deck with the steel boot up my ass. I took it because there was a gigantic payoff for me at the end and all the work and no play from before had paid off and I had gotten a couple of promotions, so this next one was going to be the set for life one.  I dug in, I figured, I am married, Carol is not like Barbara, she does not need to be constantly wined and dined all the time, this will work out just fine.

But it did not work out. In Carol’s job, they consider seven hours a long day and no one works during the summer, it was a government job of course and with a school, it is more of a part time job, especially in comparison to a job with Microsoft. She got tired of all the long hours. And I needed to go work out after work because I needed it for my sanity, so I would often work until 7PM, then go to the gym and not get home until 9PM. But I usually didn’t go into the office until 9AM, hey, 50/50, what’s the problem.

Ha! big problem, Carol objected, vigorously. I tried negotiating, “why don’t you come to the club when you get off and we can work out together, the club is free to all Microsoft employees and family, they have all kinds of things, not just weights, yoga, tennis, swimming, surely there is something you would like, we can have dinner after, they have a nice restaurant”.  She said, “then you go back into the office?”  Of course, I said, that is the deal there. She refused that idea, no come home by 6PM.

Back and forth, finally I said, OK, I will be home by 7PM from now on, but I have to go to the gym I need it for my mental health, I will go in the mornings, OK? So, we had this negotiation, of how loose the reins were going to be on me. I didn’t like it. I hated it. But that is what you sign up for when you get married, I thought. I put up with it. I would leave the house at 5:30AM, get to the gym by 6AM, work out until 8:30, grab something for breakfast from the cantina and go into the office and then leave by 7PM. But that was raising eyebrows at the office cutting out early like that. I wouldn’t get home until 7:30 and that pissed Carol off, the deal was 7PM. I felt like I was punching a clock with her.

We went around and around about it. Then she started accusing me of having an affair at the office because she said there is just no way any company can legally demand someone work that many hours. We argued about it a lot. I tried to appease her by buying a boat, she liked that, we had some fun on it, but again, I never had enough time. I tried buying her off in other ways. Eventually, I just knew it was never going to work. I came home one day, and she had the divorce papers spread out on the table. The deal was fair, I ran it by my lawyers. They told me to get a pre-num next time.

I wanted it done as fast as possible because the real big payout was coming soon and I had not told her about it, and she had not asked for part of anything in the future. She also did not ask for half the house, we had not been married very long, only two and a half years, so really that probably would not have flown anyway. The settlement was fair, and she moved out. She had gotten enough money from me to put a down payment on a small house north of Kirkland with some left over. I was glad for her, and glad to be rid of the problem.

In the end, after a few years, I got my big pay out, I continued working there a few more years after that. I called Barbara and told her I had made it big and asked her if she wanted to have another big client, she laughed and asked how much. I told her and she stopped laughing. “Really?” She said. I said yup. No, we did not rekindle our relationship, but we remained friends and she became my financial manager. She was very good at it and has worked magic for me in that area ever since. We are still friends today and she still manages my fortune, while living in Portland.

I was still living in my same Medina home. Still working at the Microsoft salt mine and going to the Proclub after work, that was the best part of my day.

I had seen her around the club, a girl that was way out of my league I thought. One day I saw her on a warmup bike and hopped on the one next to her and struck up a conversation, I channeled my best Barbara, I told her a couple of dumb jokes, chatted lightly and then just asked her if maybe we could go to lunch some time. She smiled, she did not say that sounded delightful, she was a bit more mature than the 21-year-old me and she said, “sure I would love to.” At lunch she told me she was a buyer for REI, she managed one of their departments. I told her what I did, and we talked about the basic introductory topics.

She was slender, very nice build, long sandy blonde hair, the kind that some women pay a lot to get colored that way, but I discovered later it was natural. She was a natural beauty, light green eyes almost hazel. She is that kind of girl that really does turn heads, I had seen that happen at the gym, I know she turned mine. She told me her name was Jill. I was bitten and smitten to be sure.

I continued to channel Barbara, and asked Jill to dinner. Over the next couple of months, I did my best Barbara imitation, wining her and dining her, showing off my house and my boat. I called Barbara with an excuse about something to do with my finances but, she is so perceptive, she asked me how things were going. She knew there was another reason. I told her about Jill. She gave me the best advice anyone has ever given me, she said, if you really like this girl and want a Real relationship, try opening up to her more, make that emotional connection to her, find out more about her. Go deeper with her. I think she was telling me that, our relationship was pretty superficial, which, it was. But she was my friend now, and I think she really wanted happiness for me. I thanked her for the advice. I guess, she wasn’t just my financial adviser now, she was my life adviser.

I tried over the next couple of weeks to do that, I tried setting up dates where there would be times like that. I invited her to my house and told her I would make her dinner. She came over and after dinner we sat out on my back deck with that wonderful view of Lake Washington and the sun setting over the Olympic mountains. I broached the subject, at first, in a clumsy way, I told her I wanted to know everything about her, her inner most feelings. She seemed surprised. I did my best to make the connection Barbara mentioned, but this was “Emotional Connection” release 1.0, I suppose.

Over time, we both got better at it. I liked that she was successful in her own right, she had a good job, lived in a nice townhome along Lake Washington Blvd in Kirland with a view of the lake, only about a 10-minute drive north from my place. She was not a gold digger, that I could tell for sure, she was fine on her own. She told me her job had gotten in the way of a relationship for her as well. I shared my story about Carol. I told her about my failed marriage. She told me that when I first asked her out, she was seeing someone else but broke it off after it was clear that we were hitting it off. I admired her that she was more mature about that than I had been. I told her about Barbara, not all the gory sex details, that is personal to Barbara, but everything else and how I learned from those mistakes; I hoped.

Sex with Jill was different than with Barbara or Carol, it was more, gentle, is perhaps the word. It may have been me, getting older, I felt like she was so delicate, or maybe my feelings for her were deeper. I didn’t want to break something. I know that sounds weird perhaps.

We both revealed a lot to one another, and it was working, I felt a level of intimacy with her that I had not experienced before. The big ‘Office’ release was finally over, and things were in a bit of a lull for me at work and Jill told me she had a ton of vacation time she needed to use or lose. I suggested we both go somewhere fun together. She agreed. It was wintertime and I said skiing? Maybe Sun Valley or Jackson Hole. She said those all sounded great.

We ended up going to Tahoe and I rented a nice chalet just the two of us. It was beautiful. On the third night we were there, I remember we sat in front of a big stone fireplace and had one of our discussions. She mentioned that most men do not like talking so much. I confessed that my “adviser” told me I should try to make a connection if I wanted true love. I said it exactly that way. We had not spoken the ‘L’ word yet. She looked at me with those big eyes. She wore contacts usually, but she had taken them out had had glasses on and her hair was up and she was in sweats. I don’t know why that looked so sexy to me, at that moment, seeing her that way, it was sexier than any Victoria Secret model.

I will never forget, she just said, “Love?” I waited and said, “yes, I think I am falling in love with you.”  She smiled and said, “I fell in love with you a long time ago and I was wondering when the right time was to say it.” There it was, she was perhaps also afraid of breaking “it” whatever “it” was. But now “it” was on the table. We both were sitting in these big leather chairs in front of the fire holding hands. We didn’t say anything for a while after that. Then I said, “I think I fell for you that first time at the gym when you pretended to laugh at one of my dumb jokes.” She laughed in that sweet laugh she has.

We went to bed, but we didn’t have sex, I spooned her, she pulled me in tight, she wanted to be held tight, I felt like she was saying, don’t worry, you won’t break me. I held her and kissed her on the side of her head and brushed her hair back with my hand. I saw a tear going down her cheek. I kissed it away and asked, “what is it honey?” She rolled over to face me and kissed me in a way I can only describe as, almost childlike, not sexy. I hope that does not sound creepy but just, the sweetness of it. She said she had not felt like this before, I said I felt it too, that it was special, I was a bit teary myself.

They next morning I woke up early as I always do and made waffles and coffee, she walked in wearing only my pajama top, too big for her it hung down like a night shirt or a mini skirt, something about when a woman wears your clothes, it feels like a sign somehow. I made a comment how sexy she looked, she joked that I was the only person she knew that wore pajamas. But really, I wasn’t joking.

We talked about what to do that day, we were both sore from skiing the previous two days, so we decided to hang out at this cool chalet and use the hot tub and just enjoy the view. We did that and then we made love, we did not have sex, we made love. There is a difference and that was the day I discovered that.

When I got back, I called Barbara and told her about it, this time I skipped the financial advice ruse that she would have seen right through anyway. She said to please invite her and Ron, her now boyfriend, to the wedding. I laughed and told her I had not asked yet but, she had read my mind. She laughed. I asked her if her and Ron were going to get married, maybe we should have dual marriage, we both chuckled about that. I thanked her for all the great advice she had given me over the years, and I told her that I loved her, not the way I loved Jill but, that I would always love her. I could tell she got a little teary and said the same thing to me.

I have male friends, but, not like Barbara, perhaps because I can show vulnerability with her, or just we have known each other so closely. I don’t know a way to explain it.

My best friends are Mike and his wife Andrea, they both love Jill and we all get along. I asked them how I should do it, how to pop the question, I wanted to ask Jill in a special way. They gave me a lot of suggestions. I asked other people I knew well. I knew she would say yes, I felt like the time was now to do it. But I wanted to do something special.

I had told Jill that Barbara was more than a financial adviser and like my life adviser. I asked her if she minded that I had a female friend, she said no and that she wanted to meet Barbara someday. I told her that I wish Barbara could be my best man or best woman I guess, at our wedding. Jill laughed and said, you have to ask me first. I smiled and said, I am working on it. She knew that meant I was cooking something up. It was also my way of pre-checking the answer. Sure, it was a formality now, but I felt like it was an important one and I wanted to do it right.

I decided not to ask Barbara for advice this time. No, time for me to pull up my big boy pants and do this on my own. I ran through ideas, maybe ask her on that back deck of the house, eeww, that is where Carol asked me. Maybe buy a new house and surprise her and ask there, no, if we get a new house, she needs to be involved with that decision, plus too ostentatious. Maybe a cruise? A trip?

I came up with an idea. We both still worked out at the proclub after work, what if I did it in the same spot where we first met, the first time I heard her voice, the first time I heard her laugh. Yeah. I think that is the best idea, forget the splashy money is no object ideas. So, I set it up, Mike and Andrea would be there, Jill’s best friend Kim too. I called Kim and told her my idea, she loved it. She told me that Jill told her about meeting me there and how, Jill had called her all excited that she met someone, and he seemed special and how Jill had described the moment. Her sharing those intimate details about her friend, it confirmed it for me. Kim assured me she would not say a word.

I had already had a ring made; I had had it for a couple of weeks. Jill had no idea, I had called her and checked if she was working out later that day and she said yes, and I said “cool, see ya there babe.” When I got to the gym, I saw her coming out of the locker room in her gym outfit, a crop top, and shorts, showing off her fit body. I told her hey let’s do the warmup bikes together, I held her hand and led her to those same two bikes, I could tell she was on to me, then Mike and Andrea walked up, and Kim, and a few other friends from the gym and people had their cameras out. She started bawling, I dropped to my knee and held out the ring and said, “My love, you have reached the depths of my soul in a way I have never before felt. My only wish in life now is to spend the rest of it with you. Will you marry me?” She was crying and shaking her head up and down and saying yes and covering her face, Mike was videotaping it. Jill wrapped her arms around me, and we embraced.

By then it seemed like there were probably a hundred people gathered all around. Everyone was cheering and they announced it over the loudspeaker in the gym and you could hear an eruption of cheers through the place. Then they put on a song, called “Wear my ring”.  I pulled it off, all on my own, by letting my heart out and letting her in. Honestly, at that point, there was probably no way I could have done it wrong. But I felt like I had done it really well.

I called Carol and told her about it, she congratulated me. I told her I wanted to give her grandfather’s ring back to her, she might need it again someday. She said her and Steve, the guy she was seeing, were getting serious but she would not feel comfortable using it twice. I told her I would never tell, but she said she would know and insisted I keep it. I told her, it was not mine to keep, it was hers and I was just keeping it safe for her in my safe deposit box. She laughed and asked why, it is not worth that much. I told her that to me, it was the most valuable thing in that vault. She got quiet, I just said, it’s yours, not mine, if you need it or just want it, anytime, just ask, I’ll take it out of the vault for you. We said goodbye. Jill and I ran into them a couple of times and it was cordial, but we were not to remain friends. We lost track over the years, but I still have it, the ring, in the vault, and, if she called tomorrow, I would give it to her without hesitation.

But my heart, that belongs to Jill, we got married, it was a beautiful wedding, Jill and Kim planned most of it. Barbara and Ron came to the wedding, no, I did not have her as my best man, or woman, Mike was. But it was nice to have her and Ron there, and I learned his last name and finally figured out who her secret client was. She was funny about that she viewed her job like a lawyer with attorney client privilege. Turns out he is the son of her big client, and they made their family fortune in outdoor clothing, leave it at that.  Good for her, she said they had made a lifelong commitment to each other but did not feel the need to marry. I told her if they change their minds, make sure to invite us.

Jill and Barbara did finally meet, and they hit it off, like I knew they would. And I like Ron, he and I bonded over investment talk and business interests. They are good friends for both of us now, even though we don’t see them that often.

Jill and I bought a house together, a place of our own. I retired early and eventually she did too. We do a lot of volunteering and other civic engagements.

We’ve been happily married ever since, all I have to do now, is figure out what to surprise her with for our anniversary coming up, 30^th.

That’s a big one.