Warning: This piece contains explicit references to Math and Science.

We have all heard of the Karma Sutra, the ancient Hindu Sanskrit text about sexuality, eroticism and emotional fulfillment in life. But I am Sapiosexual, which is a person sexually attracted to intelligence and the human mind. I decided to write a Karma Sutra for Sapiosexuals. Who better to do that than me. Probably a lot of people but I did it anyway.

So, Here goes…

As is our custom on special occasions, my Sapio-friend and I toked out while sitting around the magic fire pit at the beach cabin where we first consummated our neuro-cognitive conjugality. The glow of the fire lights the dark, moonless night, as the Milky Way splashes across the sky like a string of white LED’s hung from the troposphere.

They pass me the kutchie pipe and asks, “wanna sapio tonight?” I replied, “Oh yeah baby, but let me do you first because you always wipe me out!” They said, “Sure honey, what’ve you got for me?”

I simply replied… “42.01

“Ooh, my favorite” They exclaim. Then I added, “But with a twist.” “Mmmm, intrigued.” They purr in anticipation.

I began… As you know, in the field of Artificial Intelligence we commonly use mutating genetic antagonistic neural networks, based on the concept of bio-mimesis “Yes, of course.” They blithely replied.

Engineers and scientists copy ideas from nature. Example: Velcro. A scientist was walking his dog in the alps, he notices burrs stuck to his dog’s fur, he looks at it under a microscope, and patents it.

They burst in, “Or like the internet with the most commonly used protocol (TCP) uses a congestion control algorithm modeled from the behavior of harvester ants. Why waste billions of dollars on R&D when you have billions of years’ worth for free by simply observing nature!?”

Right. A mutating algorithm is copying the idea of evolution but sped up on a computer. Except, here is the problem as is often the case with evolutionary algorithms, occasionally, it gets stuck in a local maxima or minima, a spot where if you could just get it to budge from, it would mutate to an even more optimal solution.

In the Middle Ages, blacksmiths would make a sword stronger with annealing. They would heat it, hammer it, quench it and heat it again. Over and over again, until the iron and carbon atoms line up to reinforce each other, not with a chemical bond, but as composite, atoms just close enough to work in cooperation to make steel, the carbon giving strength the iron providing flexibility, close but not a true covalent bond. Of course, they did not understand the subtleties of chemistry or strong and weak nuclear forces, they learned this through trial and error.

In AI we use synthetic annealing to do something similar, starting with a new random seed and then try again to see what happens, another outer loop. Just as mindless as the ancient swordsmith.

They proclaim, “Like mass extinctions, there has been five in the history of our planet, humans are creating the sixth. The Holocene extinction.”

I concurred, and continued, “But what if there is another loop outside of that one. Working on Alpha, the fine structure constant?”

They enthusiastically interject, “Yes, Of course, the Sommerfeld’s constant, the elemental electric charge squared divided by Plank’s constant times the speed of light. Theoretically it determines all the physical characteristics of the universe, even the slightest change, even the tiniest amount, would completely alter the universe as we know it, maybe there would be no life, or maybe much more, no one knows for sure. Why? Do you think there is an outer loop playing with Alpha?”

I excitedly replied, “Perhaps?”

The pace becomes frenetic as we begin to finish each other’s sentences, talking over each other and in unison, beautiful equations dancing through our minds.

They query, “Do you think perhaps, there is some mindless super being out there, like a blacksmith hammering away on Alpha over and over again, quenching, annealing, multiple times to try to get the universe just right. Making a new universe, destroying that one, trying another with a mutated Alpha. Anthropic principle be damned! It could be, if you are outside of the space-time continuum of the universe, 100-Trillion years is nothing.

I retorted, “Forget the stupid swordsmith in the sky, he’s a total idiot! If we could build a hadron collider with the diameter of the solar system, it would generate the requisite energy to create our own private bubble universe that we can enter through a worm hole created by a black hole instantiated by inverting the deca-pole superconducting magnets!

A super civilization spent a thousand years developing a quantum computer the size of a planet to solve the mystery of the universe. It takes another thousand years for the program to run to answer the ultimate question. It Finally provides the answer, simply the number 42. But they discover a bug in the code, and it is not actually 42, it’s actually slightly off.

It turns out the correct answer is phi squared divided by pi times Eulers number times Alpha. This new constant is a transcendental number, it goes on forever 42.0112493… on and on never repeating, just like pi and e and alpha.”

They interject, “Phi, the golden ratio, appears in art, architecture, the Parthenon, and Da Vinci’s Codex, supposedly the mathematical key to beauty. It’s a very interesting constant because of the special relationship to the Fibonacci series, which often appears in nature like in the nautilus shell and sunflowers. So, you take, Phi, Pi, and e, and alpha, ostensibly four of the most important and interesting constants in mathematics and physics and throw them together.”

Enormous Ideas are surging and thrusting in and out of each other’s consciousness, gushing with eruptions of erudite epistemology.

Elated I add, “Right, technically phi is not transcendental because you can express it with a polynomial, but, still, it is irrational, whatever, you have 3 transcendental numbers and one irrational number walk into a bar, no wait, that’s in 137.2, Focus!

It’s a new transcendental constant, so even if they fixed the bug in their code the program would never finish. Transcendental numbers go on forever without repeating, it’s not computable.

We need a name for this new constant, but all the Greek letters have been used, so we start using animals. Let’s call it the turtle constant. The answer to the mystery of the universe is an infinite titration of Turtle, Turtle raised to the Turtle power, raised to the Turtle and so on.

Feynman was a fool, it’s not turtles all the way down, it’s actually turtles all the way up.

Maybe, if we tweaked Alpha so Turtle comes out to be the integer 42, the original code was actually correct after all. That’s the utopia universe, where energy wells safely dispense nourishment so life can evolve without eating each other and without intelligent beings killing each other. The mantissa of turtle represents entropy, without it the universe is eternal, the Third Law of Thermodynamics repealed!

Animals evolve by simply consuming energy directly, no need for competition between plants. Animals do not need to eat plants or other animals. Intelligent life evolves free of violence, brutality, greed and hate.

Except that leads us to Schanuel’s conjecture which states that any equation containing a transcendental number will result in another transcendental, so you could never solve it, but, it has never been proven. If we could disprove Schanuel’s conjecture and replace the great swordsmith in the sky with a directed algorithm running on a quantum computer made of semi-organic crystals powered by lattice confinement fusion, we could create our own perfect eternal universe!

Corpuscular undulations ripple through their cerebellum as they near cerebral climax, “Uhhhh, ahhhh, our own private universe… with… a perfectly tuned… fine structure constant.  Oh, my Darwin. Oh Darwin.  Oh Darwin. Oooooh. Ahhh.

They throw her head back, their neocortex is sated and flaccid.

Ahhhh, ooohh Baby. That was sooo good. I loved the Turtle twist.” They Coo.

I replied, “Oh you liked that huh?”

They add, “Yeah, but don’t do it every time.”

I said, “Mmm too much turtle swirl gets old if you over do it.”

They said,: “Save it for special occasions, like this.”

“Hey what do you have for me?” I queried.

They coyly reply, “Either Quantum Chromodynamics or Quantum Electrodynamics?”

I responded, “Ooh, my favorites. Surprise me.  Hey, more ganja first?”

“Most definitely.” Just then they point to the sky and said “Hey, Look, there’s Centauri Proxima.”

As I go nostril spelunking to the second knuckle with my pinky, I replied, “Oh yeah. There it is.”

Brain-gasm

In a cabin by the beach, under the starlit sky,

Two souls by the fire, reaching for the high,

Passing the kutchie pipe, with a question so bright,

“Wanna sapio tonight?” in the dark of the night.

A dance of minds, in the realm of AI,

Copying nature’s ideas, reaching for the sky,

From mutating algorithms to synthetic annealing,

A journey of discovery, with minds so appealing.

Discussing Alpha and constants profound,

Unraveling mysteries, in thoughts unbound,

A universe of turtles, in an infinite loop,

A transcendental journey, in minds that swoop.

From blacksmiths of old to quantum dreams,

A tale of creation, in cosmic streams,

Phi, Pi, and Alpha, in a mathematical blend,

A symphony of numbers, with no clear end.

Eruptions of ideas, in a cosmic ballet,

Philosophical musings, in a cerebral display,

A quest for perfection, in a universe so vast,

A journey of minds, in a moment that lasts.

So, here’s to the lovers, under the starlit sky,

Exploring the cosmos, with a twinkle in the eye,

In a world of wonder, where minds intertwine,

A poetic journey, in a realm so divine.